Lions eat Wallaby for breakfast

Posted: May 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

So yesterday we found out the selection of the mammoth British lions squad – who gets through customs and a days worth of inflight movies, and who gets a front row seat down the local with complimentary beer mats.

Well, firstly I’d like to point out I’m no Jiffy or Jezza, just a biased Welshman with a heart over logic attitude who’s excited to see the boss of the animal kingdom devour the wallaby. So please find an honest, slightly tongue-in-cheek take on all things lions.


 First thoughts on Captain Warbo…


I guess what everyone’s been talking about in the build up to today has been who takes the skipper role, and I must confess I was pretty surprised with warbo getting the call. Don’t get me wrong – I love the guy, the commitment he gives every time he puts on a 6 or a 7 is second to none. Gatters says…

“he leads from the front”

Even if I don’t share his enthusiasm for climbing ladders, I can’t argue with the big guy on that. Having said that, the flip side to the coin is look how much Sam

thrived in the 6 nations when the pressure of skipper was taken off his shoulders. I mean his try saving tackles, his impact at the breakdown…turnovers! I do have faith in Captain Sam, and I’m not just saying that because he can crush me with his left eyebrow. He’s over ‘that red’ and that’s been crucial for him getting back to his best. I just hope it’s not too much too soon; I guess time will tell whether ‘Gatters’ made the right call.


Front row…

ImageLet’s face it – if Adam Jones wasn’t picked to put the Australian scrum under pressure there’ll be some serious screws loose somewhere, but don’t panic – the lions coaching staff aren’t going to get the straight jacket treatment just yet – the 32 year old grizzly bear’s made team. And to join him, fellow Ospreys team mate Richard ‘Hard hitting’ Hibbard. I’m chuffed about this – he really made a fantastic impression in the six nations. Einstein said

… “each action has an equal and opposite reaction”

The action – Hibbard tackles you. The reaction? The opposing teams order a lorry load of deep heat. That being said, Hibbard’s my choice hooker to start. 

Gethin Jenkins – for me one of the best all rounder props there is. Perhaps not as dominant in the scrum as others but who needs that when you can charge down and side step like good old Geth.

Cian Healy is a controversial selection I hear you cry? Well, you’re right. After his sighting I guess he’s not going to be nominated for role model of the year award.

But a more pressing matter for me, how does Tom Youngs get the call ahead of Rory Best?…Any ideas? Maybe ‘Gatters’ is trying to be ironic or something. (I love that kiwi deadpan sense of humor.)


 Second row…

Image– Mouth watering to think of Alun Wyn, Paul O’ Connell and Richie ‘Lion-O’ Gray competing for two spots in the middle of the pack. Also glad the skyscraper; Ian Evans made the cut – his performances for Wales have been very solid. With these giants competing for the ball, they’ll need to duck to catch the ball at the lineouts.


The back row…

I love the fact that Dan ‘leg snapping’ Lydiate has made it onto the plane. Such a shame he was out for the six nations so Gatland installed 24 hour surveillance to analyze his club level form.

Tipuric definitely deserves his spot – how can you argue with a 7 who’s good at the breakdown and has the creative flair of a back? Choosing a first place 6 and 7 is going to be as easy as getting a word in edgeways with Phil Vickery (ask Jason Mohammad).

In at No.8? Toby Falatu and Jamie Heaslip – close for me, don’t think I could call it if I wasn’t so blatantly bias to the Welsh, congratulations Toby – take your tracksuit off pal and start stretching.

‘What about Robbo?’

ImageI know what you English are thinking, “Where’s Robshaw?” All right he has carried England well but it’s a fierce back row and there’s only so many seats on the plane.


Scrum halfs…

ImageLaidlaw was unlucky to miss out although Phillips for me was a dead cert. He may have a mouth on him but he knows how to wind up opposing forwards. Not to mention his physicality at nine his like having a 6ft 3inch brick wall that knows how to pass. The only downside to Phillips at nine is the time he takes to recycle the ball – I usually have time to the put the kettle on and make it back before the pass. But with Ben Youngs as the other choice – I’m hopeful we have the best of both worlds.


The Fly-halfs…

Even though I thought Biggar established himself well in the six nations, he’s probably still a couple paces behind Sexton, who was an obvious Lions choice despite his recent injury. ImageFarrell’s young but he’s got flair. Putting aside the fact he chocked against Wales and that he is indeed English – I think he’s a good choice. Spot kicks to Halfpenny, and with only 2 backs maybe ‘Wilko’ can get the call up if things go pear shaped. On another note, guess I’ll have to pray Farrell doesn’t get munched in a tackle (that reminds me, I better edit my prayer list).



ImageWell this gets me very excited – bulldozer Roberts, Manu ‘the shuttle train’ Tuilagi, Jonathan ‘try scoring’s a habit’ Davies (and his tongue)…alongside arguably the greatest and most consistent centre to ever graced the game; so great all he needs as introduction is 3 letters; B.O.D. It will be interesting to see which partnerships ‘Gatters’ goes for. Personally, I’d chuck the 4 of them on and see if the ref notices.




Are looking very strong. Tommy Bowe coming back from injury will give on form Cuthbert a run in at 14, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the left hand side has the words ‘George North’ written, stamped and sealed… and posted…with special delivery… (I mean I’d put him on the left).


Full backs?


Both been highlighted as top full backs in the six nations, Hogg and Halfpenny both deserved the call up. Hogg’s ability to counter attack at 15 took the competition by storm, especially in the first two rounds while Halfpenny must be one of the most prolific defensive backs in world rugby at the moment. A tight contest, but as Halfpenny is in fact allergic to making mistakes under high ball, alongside a kicking boot more accurate than a fancy pregnancy test – the Cardiff blues boy gets my vote.


Sum up…

All in all I think we have a very strong side, so much so we knew some quality players were going to be left back at home. The biggest challenge from now is uniting the squad and Imagegetting them gelling quickly. Not to mention Sam earning the right to lead the team into battle. How old dogs such as BOD and O’Connell respond will be key to the younger, less experienced players following suit.

So here’s to giving Bruce, Sheila and Skippy the bush kangaroo a dressing down.

“What’s that Skip? There’s an injured wallaby?…Who has just been mauled by a savage lion?…And he needs our help?…Sorry skip, me and Lassie are a bit pushed for time at the minute. I mean gloating’s not going to take care of itself is it?”

Over and out.

Dai Woolridge

A big Phat Psweet Catch up

Posted: February 23, 2011 in 'Psweets'

Do me a favour humour me will you? There I am in Starbucks slurping my Chai Tea Latte (I’m off chocolate for a bit, you could call it fasting, or you could just call it trying to get down a couple of belt holes!)

Anyway, slurping away with the mrs on her new Mac next to me. I go onto wordpress and find out there’s been no new posts this year…(oops!)

As you may well know – I made a judgement call a few months back to sacrifice posted articles so I could focus my time on my psweets (pslams in tweet format). Now that I’ve finished ‘The Tentmaker’ tour, thought I’ll do a catch up on all the psweets I’ve done up until now.

So here you are, 

Chew away and I hope you enjoy;

The Gasser


Psalm 73

73a.God is good. Though I was so close to missing the point. I got envious, the wicked get life easy and here’s me struggling. Why? #psweets

Psalm 73 part 2

73b.But those who invent more ways to be evil (patent pending);don’t last4 long. Cos they’re going the wrong way down a 1way street #psweets

Psalm 74

74.God, places that gave u attention r burnt2 a crisp.Y let em get away with it?Take ur hand out of ur pocket&put em in their place #psweets

Psalm 75

75.whether the middle east or democratic west,no bloke can determine another blokes position.That’s for God to decide. #psweets

Psalm 76

76.You’re the 1 worthy to be feared. When ur angry, we’ve got no hope of standing in ur way.To you let us make vows and keep them #psweets

Psalm 77

77.I think; has God’s unfailing love failed?But then I remember the times he came through. Ask Moses what happened with the red sea #psweets

Psalm 78 (1-5)

78. Listen,we’re not gonna let the truth& power of God waste away into a myth…we’ll tell it to our kids so its as hereditary as DNA #psweets

Psalm 79

79.Saviour God, save us! Give us a helping hand so you get the credit. Save us&let us off the hook so your name’s honoured. #psweets

Psalm 80

80.Strengthen the one you love. The one you choose. Then we won’t scarper, leaving u in the lurch again. Resuscitate us. #psweets

Psalm 81 (v8-9)

81. Rule -don’t worship any1 or anything that’s not God; legit. Aka; ME. Don’t 4get –who was it that saved your skin from Egypt? #psweets

Psalm 82

82.Ur all ‘gods’ cos ur offspring of the most high, but ur mortal gods.Come old age, you’ll be just as frail as the next mortal guy #psweets

Psalm 83

83.God, get your voice back…don’t act like you’re not listening, don’t do nothing.Make your enemies like tumbleweed. #psweets

Psalm 84

84.How lush is your dwelling pad Lord God Almighty. One day’s better round your house than 1000 days anywhere else. #psweets

Psalm 85 (v8)

85.Lord,I’m all ears.U promise peace 2those who know u& stick 2the right path.Help them not invalidate it by doing something stupid #psweets

Psalm 86

86.Educate me on ur way Lord so I can lean on you &how u always come through.I want to be wholehearted for 1cause. Ur cause #psweets

Psalm 87

87. Zion’s the place to be.No, not that underground city on the matrix…but Jerusalem…the New Jerusalem; the church. #psweets

Psalm 88

88. Since the early days life’s dealt me a bad hand &death always seems close at hand.Daily my prayers come 2u;I’m struggling Lord #psweets

Psalm 89

89.The heavenly dimension clap their hands in wonder &shake their head in awe; 4 u are AWEsome…no one can brush up against you; no1 #psweets

Psalm 90

90.80yrs is a nightshift 2u.If only we had a clue how powerful ur anger is;mayb then we’d get r acts 2gether&live daily 4ur wisdom #psweets

Psalm 91

91.This says God… ‘Cos he loves me,I’m his search &rescue.I’ll have his back cos he acknowledges me by name.He’ll call& I’ll answer #psweets

Psalm 92

92.I’ll show u some love Lord in groove format,with melody &backing vocals. Ravin on ur love b4 breakfast &faithfulness b4 bedtime.#psweets

Psalm 93

93.The Lord is full on sovereign &in control…Kingship is written all over him, he’s clothed in the stuff. #psweets

Psalm 94

94.The wicked keep ur people down;abuse widows &kill kids with no Dad.Its arrogant,they think u turn a blind eye;show em u don’t #psweets

Psalm 95

95.Rock it out to the rock of salvation.On ur knees, lets get thankful 2the crafter of creation,sea setter &mountain moulder #psweets

Psalm 96

96.Flippin awesome is the Lord& most def worthy 2b appreciated! He’s 2b respected over all. He’s the Rolex, the rest-mere Rawlex #psweets

Psalm 97

97.All u who r upstanding – hate evil &give God massive appreciation.After all,his very presence makes the earth quake in its boots #psweets

Psalm 98

98.Lay down new tunes cos the Lord’s done some marvellous stuff.He’s unveiled his saving power2the countries– let him hear r thanks #psweets

Psalm 99

99.May the knobbly knees of the nations get shaking cos the big guy reigns. May he be bigged up cos his name is flipping awesome! #psweets

Psalm 100

100.Know that he’s God. Know that he’s our author, publisher&printer.Be thankful, lift him up; cos his love never discontinues #psweets RT

Psalm 101

101.I’m ravin about ur love &justice;making every effort2live life without fault.But those arrogant lot -I’m havin no business with #psweets

Psalm 102

102. Let this be said for a future generation…that those who are yet to be conceived praise the Lord. #psweets

Psalm 103.

103.Listen up soul,get praisin2the1 who’s owed it all.All that’s in me,big up the big guy&dont lose sight of all he is&all hes done #psweets

Psalm 104

104.How vast is life& everything in it.Filled2the brim of species,all the elements,even the stars –ur in charge of it all. Awesome #psweets

Psalm 105

105.Shout about God &all he’s done. Let the hearts of those who follow him leap for joy. Look to him4 strength, his face – always #psweets

Psalm 106

106.Never forget God in your thank you speeches cos his love never runs empty and extends through and beyond the depth of time #psweets

Psalm 107

107.Some took on their judgement as being better than God’s – they started sinking in their own mess.But 1 call,guess who answers #psweets

Psalm 108.

108.I’m wakin up the morning makin music 2the lord of all. I’m warming up my strings& tuning up my skins cos its all about him #psweets

Psalm 109

109.To whom it may concern – the lord who I lift up in praise, please – lend me your ear, hear me, listen and talk back #psweets

Psalm 110

110.God the Father says2my lord;I’ve saved u the best seat next to me.Get comfy till I make ur enemies ur foot rest…under your feet #psweets

Psalm 111

111.When u start fearing God,that’s when u start getting real wisdom.Follow his instructions- then you’ve got your head screwed on #psweets

Psalm 112

112.Well good is the guy who knows his place before God and looks forward to living the life God wants him to live. #psweets

Psalm 113

113.May the Lord be the root of all your celebrations and may u celebrate often!  From present tense right through to future tense. #psweets

Psalm 114

114.Why Jordon try& hitchhike a lift in the opposite direction? Why sea try &swim2shore? Earth –tremble at the presence of ur Lord. #psweets

As you’ve all known, the psweets have come to a hault on the blog. It was a decision I came to a month or two back when I realised that keeping both psweets up on twitter during the week and doing a thought on each over the weekend on the blog, was getting a bit much for me. But as I have had countless amounts of media attention, with the papparazzi on my back about it and hello magazine wanting an exclusive; I thought I’ll treat everyone by catalouging all the psweets in one place…after all; it is Christmas!

So here it is…from top to bottom; Psweets so far

God bless;

The Gasser


Psalm 1

1. Well good’s the guy who doesn’t take moral advice from bad company. But who raves about quiet times& gets stuck into scripture #psweets

Psalm 2

2.Whoever thinks he’s a matchup on God is a comedian.God laughs it off, puts em in their place& shows them what he’s really made of #psweets

Psalm 3

3.God, I’m public enemy #1-they’re out to take me out.They think you’ve left me high&dry, but you’re the force field surrounding me #psweets

Psalm 4 

4.‘Guys, when’s it gonna stop? U embarrass me &show God jack all respect. U worship lower case gods but he’s the 1 with the caps lock.’ #psweets

Psalm 5

5.Open your ear canal to my sentences Lord. Note down my sighs &anxieties, see my flare when I’m SOS. It’s your attention I’m after #psweets

Psalm 6 

6.God, go easy. Mend me cos I’m covered in cast&walking on crutches.My soul’s het up,emotionally I’m wrecked. Come back &pick me up #psweets

Psalm 7 

7. Lord;be my B&B when my tents battered. My enemies wanna rip me to shreds&do a drive-by. But if I’ve had it coming; let it happen #psweets

Psalm 8

How immense is your name through the stratosphere. U shaped solar systems with your fingers, who am I that u should even notice me? #psweets

Psalm 9

9. God’s a shelter for those downtrodden on, a safety net when nothing’s safe. He never forgets those who know him & search for him #psweets

Psalm 10

Where are u lord?I tried texting but you’ve got no signal. The evil guy intimidates the weak.Come on Lord, stand up for the broken. #psweets

Psalm 11 

11. How can you say ‘leg it’ cos the bad guys are ammo’d to the teeth? God’s my hiding squat. As for the evil – he brings the rain. #psweets

Psalm 12

12.Lord, S.O.S. Where have all the good guys gone? I’m surrounded by braggers& 2faced gossipers. Mute em Lord;zip their mouths shut #psweets

Psalm 13

13.God, stop playing hide &seek; its not fun anymore. I’m anxious and depressed, though I trust in your love & love your salvation. #psweets

Psalm 14

14. God scans men, trying to find some who get him, or some who are looking – but they’re not about. None. #psweets

Psalm 15

15.Lord, who can get close 2your hang out spot?He who lives life wisely, makes the right choice &keeps his word; even when it hurts #psweets

Psalm 16 v7

16.I’m giving much love to the Lord who listens, guides and gets me. He’s my no.1 priority. It’s my life &he’s in the driving seat #psweets

Psalm 17

17.Lord, put my life under the telescope– c that I’m not malicious in gossip,that I stay out of trouble. Hear me &show me your love #psweets

Psalm 18 

18.Lord, you’re my result to a lifetime supply of gym membership. You’re my solid ground to keep my feet sturdy #psweets

Psalm 19 

19.May the syllables I pronounce, the ways I choose 2unwind & the stuff I fill my heart with; make you well happy when you see it #psweets

Psalm 20

20.Let the name badge of Jake’s almighty look out 4u &have your back. May the Lord sign off &make investments in all your proposals #psweets

Psalm 21

21.Lord! The King gives you all the credit for the victories. He shouts about your power and your capabilities #psweets

Psalm 22

22.God –why have u turned your back on me?I’m running empty,my bones are dislocated. Our Dad’s trusted u & u delivered. Come quick #psweets

Psalm 23

23. Though I take a stroll through the most devastating landscapes where ‘life’ is past tense– I’m not shaking cos you got my back #psweets

Psalm 24

24.Who’s the King? The real King? Who’s the King of immeasurable and inconceivable glory? None other than the ‘Lord God Almighty’ #psweets

Psalm 25

25.I’m all ears Lord. You’re the master, I’m the pupil. You’re Yoda, I’m Skywalker. Navigate &educate me in ‘the force’; your truth #psweets

Psalm 26

26.Keep on top of me Lord, do regular check-ups on my heart, thoughts and motives. See that my actions are in the clear #psweets

Psalm 27

 27.God saves me– why do I get scared?He holds my life –why should I get nervous? All I ask4 is eternity of marvelling at his beauty #psweets

Psalm 28 V7

28.God is 2me what spinach was 2Popeye. He’s my bulletproof vest. I trust him &he sorts me out;so now my heart beats to party music #psweets

Psalm 29

29.His vocal chords are like a mighty storm. Like a quake off the Richter scale. He speaks like thunder& strikes like lightning #psweets

Psalm 30

30.I’m gonna elevate u Lord cos you pulled me out of trouble. When I was in a mess, I called you, you picked up and made me healthy #psweets

Psalm 31

31.God looks after those not short of faith,but he lets the arrogant have what’s coming to them.So if you’re banking on God;chin up #psweets

Psalm 32

32.I didn’t cover up my sin; I put my hands up and confessed. You let me off the hook and gave me a guilt free conscience #psweets

Psalm 33

33.Bust out ur best drum solo.Let rip with the fiddliest of guitar riffs &make noise like U R ecstatic cos what God says is spot on #psweets

Psalm 34

34. I’m bigging up the big guy 24/7. My vocab is fixed on appreciating him and my soul brags about him. Who’s up for joining me? #psweets

Psalm 35

35. Have my back Lord. Fight my corner. Remind my soul that you’re my hero. #psweets

Psalm 36

36.The evil guy doesn’t flinch if u mention God. He never sees what’s he’s doing as wrong; he’s 2busy loving himself to even notice #psweets

Psalm 37 

37.Don’t lose sleep over evil people, or wish you had what they have; it won’t last. Put all your eggs in God’s basket #psweets

Psalm 38

38.My friends are screening my calls, my neighbours pretend they’re not at home; all cos I’m a wounded man. #psweets

Psalm 39

39.Tell me Lord; how much longer have I got left? My life’s a countdown –when’s 0? Compared 2u; my life’s just an intake of breath #psweets

Psalm 40

40.Pick me Lord! I wanna do what U want.I don’t get all shy when it comes2 tellin others about your greatness;I tell them how it is #psweets

Psalm 41

41. You support me cos of my integrity and saved me an eternal seat next to you. #psweets

Psalm 42

42. Why so gutted soul? Why so at edge within me? God’s my hope; I’m still going to praise him. My rescuer, my God. #psweets

Psalm 43

43.Again, why so gutted soul? Why so on edge within me? God’s my hope. I’m still going to praise him. My rescuer, my God. #psweets

Psalm 44

44.Recover us via your love that NEVER fails. #psweets

Psalm 45

45.Of all the greatest guys; you top the chart. Your mouth – with the words it speaks, has grace drenched all over it. #psweets

Psalm 46 (v1-2)

46.If there’s a sign of danger– God’s our lifeline for a lifetime. So even if the earth beneath me crumbles;I’m not getting scared. #psweets

Psalm 47

47.Clap your hands,click those fingers, raise decibels –every dialect,every continent;get full on passionate for the Lord most high #psweets

Psalm 48

48.In church Lord, our thoughts and their processes hone in on your love which is unable to fail. #psweets

Psalm 49

 49.Those who get their security from their self belief or their wallet are like sheep who are one step away from cliff diving. #psweets

Psalm 50

50.I don’t give u what4 when u tithe, but I don’t ask4 it cos my cheque bounced; I’m God.Why not try tithing words of thankfulness?#psweets

Psalm 51

51.Lord,go easy. Look away from my sins,delete all my crimes &leave no traces. Give me a pure heart and recharge my rooted spirit. #psweets

Psalm 52

52.U evil lot;u throw your weight around&brag 24/7.Nothing good comes from your mouths &u treat the rude words as your daily vocab #psweets


Psalm 53 

53.He who’s not thinking straight says ‘God-real? Have a laugh!’ He’s corrupt&his lifestyle makes me sick. No 1’s living life right #psweets

Psalm 54

54.Lord,I’m a wanted man &not in the good way! But God is my help; he keeps me going. If they rubbish me– I’m rubber, they’re glue #psweets

Psalm 55

55.If a bloke put me down-I could take it, if some guy wants 2deck me-I could peg it. What I’m fussed about is relationship i.e.You #psweets

Psalm 56

56.When I’m scared witless, I count on you. In you –God, the very word I celebrate. Then, I’m not scared & man’s got nothing on me.#psweets

Psalm 57

57.I’m tiptoeing in a minefield, on safari covered in red meat. Still your name be bigged up;over the heavens,throughout the planet.#psweets

Psalm 58

58. The System’s compromised with crooks. Inward; you’re mind mapping more ways2be unjust. There’s just no getting through to you. #psweets

Psalm 59

59.They strut around all broad shouldered looking 4 trouble& there’s a price tag with my name on it.Yet I go acapella on your love.#psweets

Psalm 60

60.U rejected us, been furious – but please take us back. We’re on the operating table &need your surgery.Deliver the ones you love #psweets

Psalm 61

61. All that’s in me I shout to you…get me higher, lift me up on to solid ground…there, I know I’m safe. #psweets

Psalm 62

62.He says one thing; I hear two things. First God – you’ve got muscle. Second – You love to love. #psweets

Psalm 63

63.Lord, I’m in a wilderness&out of water.But there’s nothing that will quench my soul’s thirst more than getting you by the gallon #psweets

Psalm 64

64.God, put me through 2your complaints department.Give my immunity from my enemies. Keep my head down as they enforce conspiracies #psweets

Psalm 65

65.God, there’s praise& it’s coming your way. We’re not gonna be all mouth with our promises to u, we’re gonna be trousers too #psweets

Psalm 66

66.Lift him up; speak it, put it in a tune and sing it…how much his actions just bowl us over! #psweets

Psalm 67

67.May God be gracious2us &give 2us.May his face be projected all over us;so we clock his ways &get acquainted with his salvation #psweets

Psalm 68

68.He’s the father figure to those with no Dad to look up to.He fights the widows corner,he surrounds the lonely in loving relationships – his name is the Lord #psweets

Psalm 69 (v30)

69.I’ll work out a chord sequence &strum it.God’s taking up my vocab &I’m going vocal on it. He prefers it over religion anyday #psweets

Psalm 70 (v4-5)

70.May all who look2 u4 emergency services say ‘God is well good’.As4 me? I’m in need of medical-spiritual attention. Come quick #psweets

Psalm 71

71.I won’t butter over it; I’ve had it tough. But you’ll restore me yet again. When I’m rock bottom, you’ll go resurrection on me #psweets

Psalm 72

72.Just as the sun and the moon have no expiry date, may you last just as long, not stopping for 1 generation, but ever continuing. #psweets

So, last week I posted up ‘Ickle King of the Crib’, a poem on the absolute divinity of an ickle baby; who is in fact the whole point of Christmas. Here I have another poem I wrote recently and am currently performing in the build up to Christmas at CU’s and carol services.

Check it out…

X marks the spot

It marks the spot of x-tra curricular festive activities

Sky plus put to good use and cases full of DVD box-X.


X-factor marks the spot

With Geordie Cole

Cowell’s wink

‘You have arrived’ Monogue

And louey’s class acts that go very nice with crackers and wine

(you know; ‘cheese’)

While everyone’s talking about who’s going to mark the X-mas no.1 spot.



X-box 360…live marks the spot –

With X-ilerating game play – (only £239 this X-mas!)


X marks the spot…mas

X mas tree with fairy lights and Games n’ prezzies on the floor,

With Mulled wine, monster truck toys, Marketing ploys, and Mistletoe


X marks X-cruciatingly bad Christmas cracker jokes

And paper hats and a false moustache with the small screwdrivers which you swear will come in handy every year but are in the bin before you can say ‘the only fools and horses Christmas special is on the telly!’


X marks the carol singing spot

With ‘we wish you a merry X-mas and a happy new year’

And so, come 25th of December

X-mas marks the spot…mas.


And even though a name (that shall remain nameless) was swapped for X,

This ‘X’ was marked on a cross

And this ‘X’ took my spot

But let’s not say it

Lets just say ‘X’

After all, X wouldn’t want to make anyone feel X-tremely ve-X’d, nor even slightly uncomfortable,

X would rather just stay quiet in the background this X-mas

And its ok – X understands…

Saying…’Christ’ at X-mas…

It’s a bit politically incorr-X



Justice (long version, requested by Ed Hodge); – Back in February 2010, I posted a poem up on Justice. It was the beginning of a new year and at the time it was more like a new years resolution. Afterwards, Ignite were doing a theme on ‘Justice’ so I adapted it to be a poem in worship. With some tweaks here and there, this is the version. I hope you enjoy, but more so, I hope it inspires you to be souled out for big guy in the clouds…me included.


I want to be hooked on Justice

Who’s obsessed with selfless giving

A man who never goes cold turkey on faith


I wanna be hooked on justice

I wanna see a time when church loves to live

And lives to love


I don’t want to be comfortable

I wanna be gut wrenchingly on fire for God


To get laid out to self

And to be made up in Jesus


No longer comfortable

But immersed in his love and compassion

And never ending forgiveness.


To be led by the spirit

To be uncomfortable


Let us fight the western virus

Of self centred-ism,


No more self satisfaction

No more self serving

But more self gratification in serving others


I want to see justice

In this place, That place

And that place next to this place

In the place of my gripes where everything’s all about me.


More restoration

More loving thy neighbour

who ever they are.


Less being about the problem

And more being apart of the solution.


No more degrees of separation

Where others misfortunes are but a sigh in the 6 o clock news slot

Or a £5 direct debit to fix our conscience clot.


But more God

More of you

And less of us

More of you in us.


More God

More of you

And less of us

More of you in us

With us

And give us

your strength to do your will to see your kingdom come


Live in us

The centre of us

As we surrender us

to your authority.


More your kingdom come

More of hope

No, wait – more belief in the hope you have to offer

So more of your hope we filter to others


The hope that transforms lives

And saves souls


More of you

More of you

And less of us

Less of us – passing the buck onto you


But more

More of us

Living for more of you



Let people reside in you

Find their hope in you

Let them confide in and set aside time to the King of all Kings

Cos you deal with our sin

And major in forgiving.





Ickle King of the crib

Posted: November 30, 2010 in poems
Tags: , , ,

Seeing as its Christmas I love to put pen to paper and find new ways of communicating our brilliant saviour to a world who are willing to listen (once a year in particular).

Here is the one I did last year, and its actually one of my favourites. Check it out…

The ickle King of the Crib

Let me tell you of the Ickle King of the Crib. 

The ickle King of the Crib

Was before

Before the offset set off

Before matter even mattered


He was the chief executive of Existence

He was the Architect who designed the plans for the Grand Canyon

And the Structural Engineer who made it happen within a week,

He even gave the planning permission.


The King of the crib

Became ickle, small and so vulnerable

He didn’t have enough strength in his neck muscles to hold his head up.

He became freckles, moles, beauty spots and earlobes.

The King of the Crib became human; fully.

But still King over creation; fully.



The king of the Crib

Lived and breathed so we can breath in new life

A fresh start,

A clean Etch-a-sketch


He was before

Is during

And will be ever after


Cos the ickle King in the crib

By the donkey

And the prezzies

With the Shepherds

And their tea-towels,

Was just the beginning.

Scene 1 on earth


The ickle King of the Crib grew up

He was complete compassion

Not just born into birth

But dedicated to death…and beyond.

His sufficient sacrifice sorted my sin

As the Saviour sought after my heart.



So the Ickle King of the Crib

Became King over death

King over my sin

King of my life

King Eternal.


Jesus, King of the Crib

Jesus, The King of my heart.


No Psweets?

Posted: November 30, 2010 in 'Psweets'

Firstly I would like to apologise for not keeping up the Psweet commentaries on my blog. After a few weeks I found it difficult to keep up both these and the psweets themselves. So, the outcome was, something had to give – and I felt it right to continue cracking on with the psweets via twitter. I know these are fed through to my blog automatically, so you can still check them out. Or if you want to follow them on twitter click here

Also, I’d like to thankyou for the encouragement I’ve received from these and hope they continue to bless you.

P.S. If you get a chance, check out ‘countin to zero’; a friend who goes by the alias of ‘Saint Beagle’ is also tweeting psalms, but backwards. With these he’s writing summations and applications. Well worth checking out here

Love and God bless

The Gasser (who’s refrained from gassing as much recently)

Psalm 28 V7

28.God is 2me what spinach was 2Popeye. He’s my bulletproof vest. I trust him &he sorts me out;so now my heart beats to party music #psweets

Thought –  A-ga-ga-ga-ga…I’m Popeye the Sailor man…I did love Pop-eye; when he eats spinach he reminds me of myself after I’ve been working the guns with a pen and paper, or when I’ve felt the deep burn after a hardcore workout session following cath around primark…dozens of shopping bags!! But like the sailor man finds sustinence in greens, our sustince comes from God. He is our sustinence…give us this day our daily bread…he’s our daily bread, he’s everything we need to keep going; emotionally, spiritually – fully. Challenge us Lord, to fully fill up on you, because you are our strength when we’ve got nothing left, and forgive us for when we go solo and end up down in reserves. Help us trust that we are yours, that our names are written on your hands. And let our soul party because we know, turely know – that we are kept by the Almighty Father. Amen.


Psalm 29

29.His vocal chords are like a mighty storm. Like a quake off the Richter scale. He speaks like thunder& strikes like lightning #psweets

Thought  – So, the side of God that nobody wants to get nitty gritty on; unless your looking for someone to blame when life gets complicated. But God somehow is so many contardictions but not at the same time. He is all loving and fully forgiving, yet a God of wrath who “hates” sin…not like we “hate” marmite…but he fully despises it. Same here – somehow we worship both a God of might and aweomse power, yet a God who became an ickle baby in a crib. God is mighty…and I want to stay on his good side! Let us be awe struck by your might, and bowled over by your power.


Psalm 30

 30.I’m gonna elevate u Lord cos you pulled me out of trouble. When I was in a mess, I called you, you picked up and made me healthy #psweets

Thought  – We can always turn to God. No matter how rough we are, or however much of a hole we’re in. If we’re in danger, or stuck in a rutt – we can always turn to him. Help us Lord, full on turn to you. Amen.


Psalm 31

 31.God looks after those not short of faith,but he lets the arrogant have what’s coming to them.So if you’re banking on God;chin up #psweets

Thought – The conversations I’ve had with friends and family over the years on my faith…ultimately faith seems to be one of the biggest barriers. ‘If God did exist, then why this or how come that?’ ‘How can you dedicate a whole life to a God you can’t prove exists?’ But the truth is, though I feel it in my gut and know it in my heart – though I have a relationship with God; I can’t “prove”…but if I could, wouldn’t it be defeating the point? If we could prove God, the choice element goes out the window. And we need to make that choice, choose God or not. I’m making that choice…what about you? Lord, you us tell that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains…help us have faith as big as this.


Psalm 32

32.I didn’t cover up my sin; I put my hands up and confessed. You let me off the hook and gave me a guilt free conscience #psweets

 Thought – When Jesus gace us life up for us on that tree – he substitued in the place of us…the price we should’ve paid, he paid…so sin was dealt with, paid in full; ‘it is finished’. So, in Christ this is our life…filled with forgiveness and showered in complete and utterly abundent and beautiful grace. Thankyou Lord, for your love that paid my debt in full…thankyou for letting me off the hook, constantly. In you I am sanctified, but help me to live a holy and honourable life. Amen.

Psalm 23

23. Though I take a stroll through the most devastating landscapes where ‘life’ is past tense– I’m not shaking cos you got my back #psweets

Thought – Probably the most famous psalm there is (and reason for it), its beautiful. I love how God is for his children, how he looks out for us, even when we don’t deserve it. I love that no matter how big we perceive evil and darkness, or how much credit we give to Satan and his power…no matter, God always is and always will be so much more. More love, more divine, more almighty. We have a living relationship with Father God…and he’s got our back. Wow. Lord, let us be encouraged that you are for us. And  help us trust in the fact that you have our back.

Psalm 24

24.Who’s the King? The real King? Who’s the King of immeasurable and inconceivable glory? None other than the ‘Lord God Almighty’ #psweets

 Thought – Let’s not forget who the real King is. The real King lived and then didn’t, but then did – so now I surely can. He’s the real King…and becasue of him, I’m a citizen of heaven. Because of you, we have a passport that gets us through the pearly gates. Thankyou King, for showing us what real power and authority looks like…complete sacrifice, from a completely beautiful creator.


Psalm 25 

25.I’m all ears Lord. You’re the master, I’m the pupil. You’re Yoda, I’m Skywalker. Navigate &educate me in ‘the force’; your truth #psweets

 Thought – Help us learn from you Lord. Help us realize what your trying to teach us, to know it and apply it. And forgive us when we think we know best.


Psalm 26 

26.Keep on top of me Lord, do regular check-ups on my heart, thoughts and motives. See that my actions are in the clear #psweets

 Thought – Sometimes we do good. But the frustrating this is, that even when we do good, half the time its not for the right reasons. Well, maybe I can’t speak for everyone, but for myself at least. At first, I think it is for the right reason, but when I reflect back – it’s something good for my gain. To go up in someone else’s books, or to sound like I know what I’m talking about when it comes to spirituality. Whatever it is, my sinful nature still manages to find away to bring it back to me. So, Father God – forgive me when I make it about me, even when I’m trying to make it about you. Check my motives lord, examine my thought processes…and may they re-align with your will. Amen.

Psalm 27 

27.God saves me– why do I get scared?He holds my life –why should I get nervous? All I ask4 is eternity of marvelling at his beauty #psweets

Thought That’s what it takes to marvel at God’s beauty – nothing short of eternity. And we were made to marvel…designed to deeply worship. I love that last verse from Amazing Grace; –

when we’ve been here 10,000 years,

bright shiningas the sun,

we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise,

then when we’ve first begun.


Psalm 18

18.Lord, you’re my result to a lifetime supply of gym membership. You’re my solid ground to keep my feet sturdy #psweets

 Thought – I’m a phase kinda guy – Ask Cath and she’ll tell you I like to pursue things but when I miss a couple of opportunities to continue a pattern; that’s it, I blow it. Gym is a good example of this flaw in my character…one day around a year ago Cath and I found ourselves with an extra bob a month (I wouldn’t go far as to say ‘A few extra bob!’)…but still, exciting times. After weeks of praying and fasting (and white lying it seems) we came to the conclusion that I wanted to get into shape and Cath wanted what I wanted (or was it the other way round?)

So that’s what I did. I got a gym membership and a plush card which I had to swipe to get into the facilities. I would run on the treadmill, go bicep curling and be ashamed with the little weight I lifted on the bench pressing machine; amongst slurping between stations. Now, it went grand for a few weeks…but then I missed a couple of days here and there and it all went to pot. I knew I could still go, but mentally I had already admitted defeat and was griefing in my loss whilst relaxing eating what I liked, lazing in the comfort of my home.

Point is, if i had stuck at it…3 times a week, I’d be lifting a substantial amount more than I’d be lifting now. Dare I say it, I’d have strength. Now, with God…he is our strength. He sustians us, he gives us our daily bread…I just hope I have a better rythym and routine with him than I did with my gym membership. Lord, you are our strength, remind us so we don’t seek it from ourselves or other places…help us to gain the fullest from our membership with you, so we can know more how to live life with you and for you.


Psalm 19

19.May the syllables I pronounce, the ways I choose 2unwind & the stuff I fill my heart with; make you well happy when you see it #psweets

Thought Why do we so often blow it when we open our mouths…yes of course we can do so much good with our tongue, but why do we find ourselves shortly after saying something, think ‘why did you have to go and say that!?’ Whether its little digs at friends to laughing at other peoples expense behind their backs. But then, half the time, we don’t think we’re doin it until we really examine our hearts afterwards.

We have the option to be Barney’s…(not Stinsen’s, yellow animated drunkards or purple dinosaurs)…but apostle Paul’s mate – Barney. We have the opportunity to be encouraging. To speak truth in love and to egg others on. Not just that, but being an example to others of why this ‘God’ stuff is so big on our ‘to do list’. Not just that, but every syllable that comes out of our mouth is opportunity to worship God for all he is and all he’s done for us. I want my God to be well happy with what I speak, how I unwind and what state my heart is in…publicly and behind closed doors.

Lord, forgive us when we get selfish. Lord, forgive me when I get stuck in a rut.  Forgive me when the stuff I fill up on, loses you as my focus. Let my faith not go stale and mouldy. But when I live it, let ALL aspects of my life make you well happy when you see it; Amen.


Psalm 20

20.Let the name badge of Jake’s almighty look out 4u &have your back. May the Lord sign off &make investments in all your proposals #psweets

Thought – Jacob is Israel; God’s chosen people. We are the new Israel…we who choose God are God’s chosen people. And the name badge – the name of the lord. Where better to be, than knowing that HE has our back. Its like what Paul said…with God for us, who can be against us?’ Let us take our dreams and our desires to him in Trinity Den…let our proposals align with his perfect will. And then, in him, let ’em happen!


Psalm 21

21.Lord! The King gives you all the credit for the victories. He shouts about your power and your capabilities #psweets

 ThoughtWhen we win, let you get the credit. When we succeed, let it be for your glory. Let us never get arrogant to think we did it in our strength. Remind us that you deserve all our praise, and let us therefore be in the business of bigging up your name.


Psalm 22

22.God –why have u turned your back on me?I’m running empty,my bones are dislocated. Our Dad’s trusted u & u delivered. Come quick #psweets

Thought – As I keep coming to these sorts of passages, the more and more I feel how unworthy I am to relate. Its alright for me to say…

‘Alright Job, just have a little faith mate!’ …

But what good does that do? Its easy for the sunshine to say to the clouds, ‘hey, why so gloomy…look on the bright side’…but its foolish. When all is well, let us bask in your goodness. But when all is not, when we’re really feeling it, let us let it out with you God. Let it be a process, and at the end of that process, let us see you for who you really are…a God of great mercy and compassion. And a God who aches, when we ache. I pray these are not just words from my part, but are backed up with reality when I’m really ‘in the pits’.  And let us not get arrogant when we think we’ve got life sussed.